Critical Failures vs. Spells Swords and Stealth: A Comparison in Quality

 

I mentioned a little bit ago that I'm big into the game "Dungeons and Dragons" for a number of reasons (I won't bore you with the details; you can check that bit out here). Well, because of that very post, I decided that my itch was strong enough to go grab a D&D fictional story. While there are a number of them out there that do the job and do it well, I decided I wanted something a little more meta.

Cue finding the 'Spells, Swords, and Stealth' series by Drew Hayes.

I was immediately enamored.

I finished the first book within two days and bought the second one without hesitation. The story, in short, circled around four characters within a tabletop RPG game known as Spells, Swords, and Stealth. These characters run into a bit of an issue when the REAL players show up in their sleepy little town. They are then forced to go off on an adventure of their very own where they'll face hordes of goblins, monstrous demons, mad kings, insane wizards, and a dungeon designed to destroy any who would enter it particularly real players. Oh, and did I mention that this is SOMEHOW happening in real time while actual people are playing, leading to those very books to change their information based on the adventures of the "NPCs" that our story focuses around?

And that's just book one.

I proceeded to devour all three books in the series and am waiting on baited breath for the next one to come out (although I unfortunately don't have any release dates). The writing was so good and it blended well-known game elements seamlessly with well-thought out fiction and story telling elements. On top of that, it worked fantastically to combine meta knowledge regarding the 'real world' with the happenings of the 'game world' that it constantly left you thirsty for more.

Overall, it was EXACTLY what I wanted that I went searching for more of the same. Since Drew hadn't produced more of that series, I decided to follow Amazon's recommendations regarding the "Critical Failures" series.

Man, that book is aptly named.

First, in defense of a relative comparison, I will say that I did not read the entire series like I did with 'Spells, Swords, and Stealth'. The book is surprisingly well reviewed on Amazon and has high praises but, in my own defense...I just... I couldn't. Perhaps the others are better. However, given the teeth gnashing pain of getting through Book 1, I didn't want to waste my time or money if Book 2 was a repeat of the first.

So what's the book about?

In short, it's built on a similar overall concept. It's built on meta knowledge regarding tabletop roleplaying games. A bunch of friends who invite a brand new game master to play with them quickly realize that insulting him might not have been the best choice. And, if a few vulgar jabs, the game master transport all of the friends into the game world that they were playing a moment before. Dealing with the results of their actions, they're taken on a great chase from the law of the land where they experience all manner of monster and threat to life and limb as they learn the ins and out of living the game only to end in showdown that goes a little bit more sideways than you might imagine.

Sounds like fun right? What could go wrong.

In short: really bad writing.

To start, the book feels unpolished. The overall tone and flow of the story is incredibly choppy and tends to rock the book's pace like a new driver trying to learn a clutch. It gets where its going but not without banging your head against the dashboard a few times. Even worse, there's a point where it literally walks in a circle thematically by having one group go somewhere, while another group goes elsewhere ONLY to have them switch spots looking for each other AND THEN do it again. Quite literally having the characters just walk in circles.

However, the one that gets called out most in other commentary (and what I even took offense to) was the raw vulgarity of the writing. In the book's defense, most tabletop gamers are some foul-mouthed motherfuckers. We like to shoot the shit and make all sorts of bad or silly jokes. But there's a difference between bullshitting with your friends and turning that crap up to 11 and writing it down as a story.

Nearly endless cussing. Vulgar commentary. Rude asides. And so. Many. Fluids. Shit, piss, vomit, snot, cum, blood, and literally anything else that can come out of a body can and does. Characters ejaculate from healing magic and one character legitimately shits himself regularly. Men slip and hurt themselves in all manner of bodily fluids and there is regular conversation and focus on this vulgarity throughout the book.

I'm all for a sense of reality and, let's face it, life can be gross. But focusing a narrative on a character regularly shitting himself is bad writing. Once makes a point. Multiple times is just foul.

When all is said and done, these two stories seemed a fantastic comparison because, in my own opinion, they take the same subject matter and show the best and worst ways to do it. 'Spells, Swords, and Stealth' provides an interesting narrative and builds a world around it with a pace that leads you through your environment while still tying you back to the original game. 'Critical Failures' throws you into the story headfirst and than can't decide how it wants to proceed. 'Spells, Swords, and Stealth' provides a fascinating story within the context of the game while still showing you meta elements that ties everything together. 'Critical Failures' regularly has characters bitching about concepts a non-player will likely not understand and features more blood, piss, shit, and vomit than an emergency room that caters exclusively to frat-houses.

Overall, if you're looking for a fun and interesting story, I'd definitely recommend Spells, Swords, and Stealth. Maybe I'll return to check out Book 2 of Critical Failures one day, but that will likely be when the book is free and I'm very bored.

Just a Little News

Hello Lovelies,

Today, I just wanted to drop a little bit of news. Cover a couple of things going on, a few things going forward, and generally just give a quick update as to the overall state of things.

First and foremost, I hope everyone has been enjoying "Kappa in my Closet". The idea stemmed from a conversation my wife and I had sometime back about a very real attic entrance I have hiding in my closet. While we've only been up there once and there have always been ongoing jokes about any manner of spooks, ghouls, and monsters that like to hide up there, a conversation regarding a Kappa was always my favorite. In short, it's what inspired me to write what we've gotten so far.

With that said, I'm considering continuing the story. However I'm not 100%. It was originally meant to be a fun imagination piece; simply a 'holy shit, what the hell?' kind of bit, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit that it's been fun so far. My only real problem is I have no idea how the hell a river monster ended up in Alex's closet.

Gonna have to think about that one.

That aside, I wanted to let you know that I've been considering everyone's input regarding the Book Reviews and I think I'm going to use it as an avenue for things that spark my interest versus random reviews. As mentioned before, this is not and was not intended to be a book review site...but let's be blunt here: I read a LOT. And, being the opinionated ass that I tend to be, sometimes I just get an itch to share my thoughts.

Why do I say this now?

Because I'm doing a comparison piece in the next post.

Yea. Now what?

With all things said and done, I wanted to take a special moment to thank everyone for their input. You're all wonderful and I want you to know I read every comment I receive. They really do help drive me forward.

But enough mushy stuff!

Drawing some inspiration from something Liz said the other day, I have a question for all of YOU:

What is your guilty pleasure genre?

Personally, I've always loved the creature feature. They can be zombies, monsters, aliens; pretty much anything where humans are pitted against beasts supernatural or otherwise. As mentioned in a previous post, my enjoyment is due to a reflection of man's prowess in the face of adversity, but adding big baddies just makes it so much fun.

What about you? What movie/book/play/etc. genre can you just not get enough of?

Kappa in my Closet - Part 3

    Alex screamed. Long and loud.
    The creature before him seemed to twitch in response. It shook its head softly for a minute as if in shock or annoyance at the sound.
    Alex paid no mind.
    Instead, forgetting himself, he scampered backwards. Anything to just get away from the monstrous creature in front of him. That huge hooked beak. That mottled green screen. The...
    FWUMP!
    He fell backwards through the opening to his attic. His hands grasped at open air as he tumbled and he tried to catch himself on the lips of the edges, but it was too late.
    At the same time, the creature began to lunge forward. Its eyes were hungry, its claws were sharp.
    Absently, Alex wondered if he would fall before the monster got him.
    He was halfway through the opening when he got the answer.
    With inhuman speed, the creature was on him. Even as tumbled back through the opening, it crossed the attic with inhuman speed. Its large webbed claws wide open and closings around both extended arms.
    I'm dead.
    The thought was instant and twisted his guts into knots. It was so sudden and so alien it washed away all others. It was only forced away by the feeling of his arms being nearly dislocated as the creature pulled him back up into the darkness of the attic.
    Drawn back up to the waiting monster's beak.
    Alex screamed again and closed his eyes.

    "Stop it!"
    Alex stopped screaming in a gasp of shock. A moment later, he felt himself sat down on the lip of the attic.
    The creature's claws were vicious and an odd mix of slimy and sticky; kind of like a frog's skin. They let go of Alex's arms a moment later.
    "That's better." the creature said again with another shake of his head. "So loud."
    Alex couldn't do anything but squeak in response. His heart was pounding so hard it felt like it would tear through his ribs. His face was flushed, his eyes were welled with tears, and his thoughts were a muddled mess of emotion and panic.
    Yet he was alive.
    The monster settled down across the way from him and shook his head again; giving each ear a soft smack like a swimmer trying to extricate a bit of water. He paid Alex little mind for a moment while Alex, on the other hand, stared in amazement.
    After a minute of endless staring, the creature offered him a kind of odd smile.
    It reminded Alex of the time he'd given a turtle a strawberry.
    "Are you okay?" it asked tentatively.
    The creature's voice had an odd pitch that he didn't notice the first time. It sounded like one of those funny voices a clown might do. Really nasally and-
    "Kid? You okay?"
    "Uh. Yea." Alex said with a little nod.
    Was he dead? Did the monster already eat him? Why would he-
    "Good. I was worried for a second. Didn't want you to crack your head open on the dresser. That was a nasty fall you could have taken."
    Alex couldn't respond. He just stared.
    The creature was actually smaller than he originally thought. It seemed like he would only be a bit taller than himself. The real girth came from a massive turtle shell on his back. His skin was mottled and scaly like a reptile's. Except...
    "What's wrong with your hands?" Alex asked absentmindedly.
    The monster held up his claws to inspect them. The flesh was quickly drying into a cracked, gray-brown. Moving from the finger tips down towards his hands.
    "Oh damn!"
    The creature reached up and tapped the top of his head. For the first time, Alex noticed that it was concave; like a bowl. Set amidst a bowl cut of gray hair, it resembled a weird soup dish more than the top of someone's head.
    "Oh damn oh damn!" he repeated again, turning from Alex and running towards the pool.
    Alex couldn't help but watch. His shock turning to mild confusion and curiosity.
    As he watched, the creature dipped his head directly into the kiddie pool; splashing water everywhere. He stayed that way for a few seconds before coming back up. He repeated this a few times more before Alex realized the thing was making a strange effort to keep his head steady and upright each time he did.
    Finally, on the fifth try, the creature resurfaced and seemed satisfied.
    He walked back to Alex and plopped back down again. This time, the bowl on top of the thing's head appeared to be full of water.
    "What are you?" Alex demanded indignantly; more confused than scared now.
    "Me? I'm a Kappa!" it responded in that odd voice.

Kappa in my Closet - Part 2

    Slowly. Painfully slowly. Alex poked his head up over the lip of the hole leading up into his attic. This was immediately preceded by his flashlight which darted around in every direction.
    The light sliced a white beam through the dark, dusty surroundings.
    The area closest to him was about what he expected an attic should be: large, empty and dirty. The walls were covered in a thick coat of dirt and cobwebs. A long, cardboard box that was probably older than his mother was shoved into a little corner.
    However, moving his light carefully over the area above his room, Alex started to notice oddities.
    First and foremost, the floor in this area looked disturbed. Tracks and streaks of clean wood could be seen everywhere in the thick dust. On top of that, empty, plastic water jugs littered the ground all about, particularly in the corners where they were piled in the hundreds. It all led to...
    "A kiddie pool?" Alex asked in confusion.
    Sure enough, there, at the far end of the attic, situated just above where his bed would be, an oversized kiddie pool sat surrounded by a veritable wall of empty, plastic water containers. It appeared old and worn, the designs having peeled and faded at many points.
    Alex, overcome with surprise and curiosity, crawled up into the filthy attic.
    The roof overhead was just tall enough to allow him to stand, but not much else. Cobwebs tangled up in his hair and spiders went unnoticed as they fell from the rafters and skittered away.
    The flashlight's beam was focused solely on the kiddie pool which, to Alex's shock, appeared mostly full with the exception of several splashes here and there.
    Splashes that looked distinctly like footprints.
    "Hello?" he asked dumbfounded, moving the beam side to side.
    A rustle of plastic and a few falling jugs was his response and he stepped back in surprise towards the open attic door.
    "Hello?" he repeated again. "If you're in there: come out now!"
    His voice cracked and shook as he spoke, betraying his fear.
    Nothing moved this time.
    "If you don't come out, I'm gonna call the cops!" he yelled at the suspicious pile of empty jugs. "They'll come and they'll take you away!"
    Still no answer.
    Alex turned to look briefly at the open attic door one more time. The air seemed to burn his lungs with the stench of dirt and dust and god knows what he was looking at but...
    Slowly, he stepped closer to the pile, his beam focused on it once more.
    The problem with wandering around in the dark, particularly when you're feeling scared and not looking where you're putting your feet, is you tend to miss things. Alex sure did.
    He was already falling backward when he felt the half eaten cucumber under his foot roll forward.
    There was a crack and a THUD and everything went dark.

    Alex woke to darkness.
    Actually, that's not accurate. It was dark, but he could still make out a faint glow.
    No. Not a glow. A flash.
    His flashlight!
    Alex sat up in a start and immediately regretted it. His head was throbbing and felt like someone shoved a steel spike into his brain. He shut his eyes tight and clutched his forehead only to feel something warm and sticky in his hair.
    Clickclack
    Alex glanced up at the noise and saw a very large man sitting in the kiddie pool, fumbling with his flashlight. The beam cut here and there, but failed to illuminate the odd, rotund man before him.
    His breath hitched in his throat.
    The man, whoever he was, was large. Had he been up here the whole time? Alex could barely make out some sort of a weird, flat top haircut but what was more noticeable was his bulk. The man's torso appeared, quite literally, round.
    Alex sat there frozen as he watched the man fiddle with the light.
    Who was this man? How was he in his house?
    He glanced over his shoulder towards the exit and, as carefully as he could, he started moving back towards it.
    Alex made it maybe a foot before the wood creaked loudly. In the relative quiet, it made him flinch with how loud it was.
    And it was not missed.
    The man turned to look at him dead in the eyes.
    Tiny beady eyes.
    A long, hooked beak.
    Green skin that showed faintly in the flashlight.
    He wasn't a man. He was a monster.

Kappa in my Closet - Part 1

    "Alex!" his mother called from downstairs. "Did you take the water again?"
    Alex came running downstairs to find his mom tapping her foot incessantly. Her face was turned up into a half-scowl and she nodded towards the empty spot in the bottom of the fridge where the several gallon jug of Arrowhead should have been.
    "Did you?" she asked again, her eyes narrowing.
    "No, mom!" he shot back quickly.
    They had been having similar variations of this same conversation for months now. Really, ever sense they had moved into the little condominium near the river. At first, he thought it was just a weird happenstance, like his mother had forgotten she used it or they had forgot to buy some at the store. But now...
    "Look, I don't mind you drinking it." she snapped with more irritation than anger. "But you have to tell me so I can get some on the way home from work, honey."
    "I didn't drink the water." Alex shot back.
    "Then where did it go, huh?"
    "I don't know! Maybe it was the ghost!"
    Alex's mother let out an exasperated groan.
    "There's no ghost, Alex."
    "Yes there is! I've been telling you that ever sense we moved into this place. It sounds like someone's walking around on the ceiling."
    "It's just the wind, sweetie."
    "I know the difference between the wind and someone walking!"
    Alex's mom glared down at him for a minute, trying to decide what to say. This argument had been getting worse over the last few months but he refused to give up the story. Finally, with a sigh, she got down on one knee.
    "I know it's been hard, honey. Getting up and moving half way across the country wasn't easy on me either but..."
    "But mom it's..."
    "But..." she emphasized, cutting him off. "But I'm sure if you let yourself relax a little, maybe make a few friends, everything will be just fine. I miss dad too, but that doesn't mean you should stay cooped up all day."
     Alex opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out short of a small squeaking noise. He shut his lips tight and felt the tell tale burning behind his eyes.
    "Oh honey, I'm sorry..." his mother said, pulling him in tight for a hug. "I know...I know."
    A sniffle escaped and he could feel the tears readying at the thought of his father, but he shook it off. Instead, he wiped his nose with his sleeve and gave his mom a smile.
    He was acting like a kid, not the twelve year old he was supposed to be.
    "It's ok, mom. Promise."
    "I didn't mean to upset you, sweetie."
    "It's ok." he reassured her again.
    "Alright." she said with a little nod.
    His mother stood up and went back to pulling the groceries out and setting them on the counter.
    "Why don't you go play outside? I'll call you for dinner when it's ready."
    Alex gave her a little nod before turning for the stairs that led to his room.
    "Make sure you tell me about the water next time." she called after him. "The same goes for cucumbers too!"
    "Okay mom!" he called back, but saw no further point in arguing.
    He hated cucumbers. If she didn't know that by this point, he doubted he'd have any luck convincing her otherwise. She probably just forgot she needed to buy some.
 
    After dinner, the sun had set and Alex had settled in at his computer. He had taken his mom's advice earlier and gone to the river near his house but it had proven uneventful.
    Turtle River was cool and all, but was way too big and a little too fast for him to really have fun in. Given he didn't know how to swim and he didn't have an adult with him, he had to settle for just sitting on the little beach watching the water bubble and tumble over itself. Plus, given it wasn't quite summer yet and he had to leave school early this last year, Alex was stuck alone again.
    Thinking about it, Alex couldn't help but sigh.
    Now, he was just relaxing. His mom had headed out for her work at the lab and he had just started up a round of "Astro Chicken" when he heard it again.
    Thump. Thump. Thump.
    Alex's gaze snapped skyward to the ceiling where just a little bit of dust seemed to drift down following the footsteps. He'd heard the sound more than a few times during their months in the condo, but it was almost always when he'd been in bed and half awake. This time it was clear as day.
    He stood and examined the ceiling closely.
    There were no footprints on his ceiling of any kind. No sign that anything had been there. But he had definitely heard it.
    He kept searching.
    A few minutes of closely examining his ceiling later, Alex found himself in his closet. He was staring at a soft indentation over his dresser. It was square and about the size of a trashcan lid. When they'd moved in, his mom had said it went to the attic and he remembered thinking thoughts about dingy old boxes full of clothes and more dust than his nose could handle.
    Now, he thought about stories of ghosts and monsters.
    Thudthud!
    The sound came from above his room again, but curiosity held firm. Maybe something was in the attic? Maybe it was just an animal or something.
    Swallowing hard, Alex retrieved his flashlight from his desk and returned to the closet. Carefully, he crawled atop his dresser and, using the light, pushed gingerly on the square, indented section of ceiling.
    It gave.
    He pushed harder and he felt the tile slide away, revealing darkness and drifting dust above him.
    He shone his light up but all it showed was a slanted, wood ceiling.
    Thumpthumpthump!
    Something was moving again. Faster than he'd heard before.
    Again, Alex tried to steel himself. Maybe it was just an animal. Maybe something had just gotten into the attic and, seeing the light, had gotten scared and tried to hide.
    "Yea. That's it." he said to himself.
    He was going to look and see some little nest of raccoons huddling in the darkness. Or maybe there would be some kind of a squirrel or even an owl tucked back into a shadow.
    Monsters weren't real after all.

Bad Blogging Habits

Hello Lovelies,

First and foremost, let me say thank you regarding your commentary on the 'Book Reviews?' post. It actually proved a great deal more insightful than I was expecting and helped me solidify how I felt a little bit more. In short, this is not and will not be a 'review' site, however I will probably throw snippets in here and there regarding stuff I read that really grabs me in one direction or another. It's kind of why I did the initial two and, I think, I the reason I'll turn to in the future.

Now, to get serious, this bit is not going to be me providing you a list of what to do and what not to do. Unless of course you think REALLY hard about what I'm saying and discern your own list. In that case, it's not my fault. It's yours.

Weirdo.

Instead, I wanted to address a few things that I've personally noticed I've done wrong as time has gone on that I've tried to react to. I've found that putting my own faults on display not only helps other writers who might run into the same pitfalls, but it's also wonderfully humbling to put up a mirror to my own failures.

To start: I had a very bad concept as to what I wanted this site to be when I started. When I started, and let's be honest here, I began with the concept of generating foot traffic. Nothing more. I wouldn't go so far as saying 'I wanted to create ClickBait', but I had this idealized image in my head of somehow creating a site where I just had ad revenue rolling in. While embarrassing to admit, it didn't take me long to recognize the fault in that belief. Instead, I found new meaning in the ability to share my writing (for better or worse) with others.

The next problem I've run into isn't necessarily regarding writing itself as much as it is personal life. In short, as many have said, life sucks. There are many, many things that consistently make demands on your time. Some are normal, like work. Some are not, like health. Some are bad, like exhaustion or writer's block, and some are good, like a surprise party or vacation. There's lot of demands on your time and accepting that is the best way to get around it.

This brings me nicely to the next point, proper scheduling and forethought. I can't count how many times I've tried to 'make a writing schedule' only to find myself canceling it or just staring at a blank page for an hour because nothing comes to mind. Instead, what I've only recently discovered, is the usage of Scheduling your writing. This can be something as simple as using the 'schedule' button in blogger, but is can also be as simple as saving your work to post later. I can only imagine how much more I might have made if I had let myself write when I had the inspiration to. If I had let myself create when I had the time versus when I stuck myself to a 'specific schedule'.

Learn from my mistake, kids: write when you want and build up a buffer. It'll help you proceed.

Last, but certainly not least, is my terrible incapability of interacting with the blogging community. While it's a nice belief that writing will make others come to you just through the usage of tags and such, the truth is that you have to network. You have to give and take, eb and flow; interact with other writers present within your community and on blogger.

I. Am. Terrible. About. This.

Building into the original problem of not having enough time to ever do anything I want to do, this is one that can't be scheduled as much and more needs to become a regular thing. Reach out to your fellow bloggers. See what they're saying. Respond to their comments. Talk with them. Originally, I would always build this into my blog posts (checking what everyone was doing), but I'm realizing it's a lot cleaner and easier to just check things here and there. This is doubly intensified when I have scheduled content because, whenever that item hits, I'm not thinking about checking other blogs...I'm likely at work or the gym or making dinner.

So, if we were making the list, here are the points: Recognize why you're blogging (because you're likely not going to get rich doing it). Recognize your own limitations in life and capability. Schedule posts based on what and when you want to write versus holding yourself to a standard. And interact with people.

Sound good? Good.

With that said, I hope you all are doing well and will join us again on Monday.

- RB

Book Reviews?

Hello Lovelies,

As many of you are plenty aware, I recently decided to do reviews of the "Alien" movie novelizations. Now that I've completed all four, I wanted to address this as well as what is to come.

Getting started:

Why did I do these? In short, I myself had been on a reading binge of exactly those books and felt inspired to share. It was definitely outside of my normal writing habits and, to be candid, I'm not sure I'm a huge fan of it or not. However, it got my writing bug itching so I had to scratch.

Were they any good? I suppose this question is more to be directed at others. I'll be candid in saying I haven't ever really tried to do book reviews before. I did video game reviews once upon a time and those I truly understood how to break down. With regards to books, I feel like I was less reviewing them as much as I was just prattling on about things that caught my attention (both good and bad). That said, I'd love to get your input simply because the reviews never seemed to have much commentary (which, in my mind, means they likely weren't worth much).

Am I going to keep doing reviews? I guess that is kind of coupled with the last question. While I started the first two simply because I had the itch, the second two were done simply to complete the group. I feel like I have a lot more inspiration to do stories other than the Alien series, but I'm not sure if it was worth it. Again, I received very little feedback and commentary on these reviews and I'm not sure if they were even considered worthwhile. While this might be an inspiration for some to improve, my focus has always been more fictional works than reviews. I'm simply not sure if it's worth while to continue.

What else would you review? Should I review, the initial stories that come to mind are simply the ones that I enjoy. That said, that's a very mismatched pile of fiction, sci fi, and fantasy, some I'm again not sure if it's worth it. As previously mentioned, my focus has always been on fiction production more than reviews.

So, with everything said, I'd like to hear from all of you. I feel it's unlikely I'll do more reviews. Or, at the very least, it's unlikely I'll do them with any real consistency. However, as always, I'd love to hear your opinions. Did you particularly enjoy these glimpses? Would like to see more reviews? Is it worthwhile to pursue.

Thanks everyone! Let me know your opinion. It will help me for moving forward.

-RB